Mama Chila - By Eva

What do you do when a person you love is feeling pain? What can you do to help?

It breaks my heart to leave Mama Chila at the Hospital de Heredia today, alone, knowing she is feeling pain and wondering if she will get better for good.

What a brave woman...

Today when I saw her laying on the hospital bed a bunch of thoughts and feelings came along like a big wave, like a sudden and pouring rain... how much I wanted to tell her at that moment, and now I wonder if I will have time to say it to her?

After all, the only thing I could clearly find in my mind was thanks, thanks because she made me the woman I am now, and please tell me how you can thank someone who gave you her entire life and more just in a simple act out of love?

For so many years I've been thinking I was prepared for this, but facing this kind of situations is not something you are exactly prepared for... all the feelings of lost and loneliness came again to my heart by thinking I am losing my mother, again...

Today I remeber my mother R.I.P.

I guess you could say that this is the day that changed my life forever. It was on this day 26 years ago, three days before my first birthday, that Honduran officials stormed the safe house where I was staying with my mother. At the time my family were fighting as revolutionaries in the Salvadorian Civil War.

We don't know the exact details and probably never will. We think my mother was not in the house when it happened and was able to call my grandmother one last time. We will never know exactly what happened but what I do know is that this was the last time I was with my mother.

While searching the safe house Honduran officials found me in a back room. I was placed in an orphanage for a year before getting adopted.

Its a little strange to think that one moment in time completely changed my life forever. Had my mother left the movement like she wanted too maybe I would have never been lost for 16 years. Its hard to say what might have happened. But I don't spend too much time thinking about that any more.

However for many year I did think about what happened and this day always was very hard for me. I felt like this was the day that everything went wrong, the day I lost the most important person to me. My mother.

A few years ago that started to change for me, when I realized how fortunate I have been in my life. I started to let her go.

I still think of her on this day but its not the same. I think about what she had to give up. The strength it must have taken to put her self and her family in harms way. How impossibly hard it must have been. If I would have done the same. Most of all I think about how the sacrifices she made for me gave me a life and opportunities I might have never have had otherwise.

This may seem a bit off topic but I'm a big Harry Potter fan. I suppose that part of me identifies with that character. His mother died for him so that he could do great things. I see that in my own life and its the reason that I try to live everyday to the fullest. I wanted to share a quote that J.K Rowling uses in the final harry book. To me it says, even though the ones we love are gone they still live on inside of us.

Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal. - William Penn, More Fruits of Solitude

R.I.P. Ana Milgro Escobar de Coto. You will always be with me.

Suprise party for me!

After two weeks of working with father business here in David, Panama its time to head out again. Tomorrow I will be taking the bus back to Costa Rica where I will spend a couple days with my older sister before fly home to the US.

Since yesterday was my last day of work everyone at Servicios de Bordado Coto decided to throw me a birthday/going away party. It was a lot of fun and a complete surprise! We stuffed our selves with papusas and cake.

It has been a great trip to panama. We got a lot work done and are continuing to improve the families business. I'll be writing on more about the work I am doing there on my blog for my business Coto Solutions.

One of the things that amazed me about this trip was how connected the world has become. I think my father was surprised as well when I got the commercial he made for the business on the web in about 10 minuets. It hadn't even appeared on and already most of my family had seen it.

Tomorrow I have an 8 hour bus ride from David to San Jose. Its a long day but seeing my family makes it all worth it!

Commerical for my family's business

Just thought I would share this. Its a commercial my father did for the family silk screen business here in David, Panama. Enjoy!

My Grandmother - by Nelson/Roberto

About a month or so ago I found out that my grandmother was sick. At the time we did not know what was wrong with her, but she seemed to think this was the end for her. They told me she was tired and was ready to move on.

This was something I was not expecting to hear from her. Over the past couple of trips I had started to notice her aging more than she had before. I had a lingering feeling that one day I would have to say goodbye. However it wasn't until I heard what she said to my sister that it actually hit me.

I am going to miss her. Now I can't say that I am very close to her. Since my Spanish isn't the greatest, we don't talk much.

When I see her it’s for a few hours each trip. She greets me with a smile and asks me about the rest of the family. She never asks me about my life or what I am doing. She loves to cook for me, and I definitely enjoy her food. It’s so simple and in some ways so meaningful.

It’s not talking, it’s not judging, it’s not questioning. It’s just being together.

I'm not exactly sure why this is affecting me this much. I've had other grandmothers whom I loved pass away, and I didn't feel like this. I don't think I was that close to them either. Maybe it’s because without her I would not be sitting here in my sister's house.

I don't think I can put into words what she means to me and how I feel about her. All I can say is that she never gave up on me and because of her hard work I have had so many happy memories.

She is doing much better now, but I know that one day I will have to say goodbye. Hearing those words was a wake up call in some way. I suddenly knew that each time I see her it might be the last. It’s a little sad to think about, but from now on I will appreciate so much more every moment I get to spend with her.

On the road again

Next week I will be flying down to Central America again to work on a project with my fathers business in Panama. This will be a little shorter than my last trip which was a month long. I'll be down there for 3 weeks.

On the trip I will be doing work for a business that I am trying to start up. As part of this business I am trying to show the impact that technology has on developing nations. If you are interested in learning more about the work I am doing take a look at my company's site. www.cotosolutions.com

I'm excited to see my brother and sisters. My grandmother was sick a couple weeks ago so I am looking forward to seeing her as well. Maybe I will get a chance to do a few more video interviews!

Part 1: Impossible decisions

These next few entries I wrote over the holiday season while I was in Central America. This was our 10 year anniversary since we first met. I spend a lot of time reflecting on our story and how it has effected our family. This is the first of 4 or 5 post that I wrote.

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How do you make an impossible decision. The type of decision can forever change your life and the lives of the people you care about the most. How does you walk away from a husband who drinks to much? Or leave your comrades at arms to raise a family? Hows does a teenager find the strength and courage to run away from his or her parents? How do you leave a business that has been your life's work knowing it might fall apart if you do.

I don't know how we make these decisions. We think and think, yet no matter how hard we think the answer eludes us. We are faced with a choice of doing whats best for us or doing whats best for those around us. You ask your self a never ending set of questions as you struggle to make the right choice. Should you honor your commitments even when you are no longer happy? Are you being selfish or doing whats best for you. When is enough, enough?

I wish there was some easy way to know what the best course of action is, but there isn't. These are things that you must decided for yourself. You can ask for peoples advice and get there input but at the end of the day you have to live with your choices. You must be accountable for your actions and aspect all consequences no matter how undesirable.

Sometimes I feel like our story has been one impossible decision after another. I admire the courage and strength that each of those decisions took to make. There is no right answer. They are impossible because it feels like no ones wins. Even when you know you are doing the best thing for your self you can't help but feel bad for the people it is going to effect.