It's been almost a week since everything happened, and today I'm here home alone, trying to understand... I've always tried to see the good things in any situation, the learnings and the lessons, the happiness after the crying, but now I wonder how long it's going to take for me to see the comfort from this loss.
But let's try to do it, because that is what she would've wanted from me...
The feeling I was so afraid of is right here with me now: back to reality, and everything seems bizarre to me... having to think again about my own life, leaving behind what I've lost—it's really hard.
She used to say we didn't have to cry for her when she died, but that day at the hospital, standing right next to her bed, watching how life was leaving her slowly and how hard it was for her to take a breath, made me cry as I have never cried before. I'm still wondering why it had to be me who was the one she choose to be with her at the very last moment. My family explains to me that it was meant to be, that I was the one who God wanted to be there, and I may know it in my mind but my heart doesn't find much comfort in any possible explanation... I only know I told her how much we loved her, how much she meant to us, and that we were so thankful for all she gave us. Then I made a prayer and watched her last breath, and I watched how our angel left.
And that's what my mom was: an angel, a beautiful person who knew how to pull everyone together, always the center of the family, the point of reunion, wisdom personified. So humble but with such dignity, so small but so strong, so old but with such energy. She suffered so much, but she gave so much love. She never hesitated to give anything to others—her time, her love, her care, her food, her advice. She was always there and everyone respected her.
Her life was difficult for her, but inspiring to others. She always found the strength to continue, to make an effort in everything she did. She always found a way to behave with integrity and morality in all situations; she never judged anyone; she never left anyone behind. She cared about others as she would her own family. Everyone loved her. Everyone called her their Mama Chila...
Despite the sadness and how difficult it was to say goodbye, a remarkable series of events took place when my mom died.
It was amazing to see how many people she got to reunite. Some people I haven't seen in so many years came to say goodbye: family, friends, and even people who never met her! One told another, and in the end she got what she deserved, a very warm, lovely and sincere goodbye from all those who loved her and had received, in one way or another, some of her love for everyone.
Many more helped for her funeral and all that that takes. Some others gave their support as friendship, holding or simply calling, and others were there in person or with their prayers... All my mom's daugthers were there, reunited after so many years. We were all together as one big family.
There are no words to describe what she means for us. Everyone who knew her understands how special and particular this lady was. It is hard to say goodbye to a person like that, however I have to do it.
Mom: You were the only mother I knew when I was a kid. You were always there for me and loved me unconditionally. You taught me good from bad and how to be a person who cares. You were my strength in every difficult time, and you were there with me to celebrate the blessing to be a mother. You will always live in my heart, but now I know you are with God in a better place.
Thanks for everything you gave me and did for me. Thanks for all the love and thanks for being my angel, everyone's angel...Goodbye mom.
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