The Back Story - by Nelson/Roberto

Most of this was taken from my college essay and was written about 8 years ago. Since then we have learned a lot more about the details, so it isn't entirely accurate. However it should give you an idea of how I was separated from my family and how they found me again. I will let my mother write about all the details. :)

With the introduction of my birth family came the information of my past and the story of my life.

My story begins even before I was born. My birth father and mother where around 20. My father had been influenced by high school teachers to join the revolutionary movement in El Salvador. Soon after he began his work he met my other Ana Milgro Escobar. Despite objections from her family she joined the movement as well. They were married shortly after in a ceremony of arms.

The group they were a part of the was called the FPL which was one of the sub groups that made up the FLMN. My father was a body guard to the head of the FPL while my mother worked to coordinate the different cells. (In the war people worked in smaller groups called cells. If one cell was captured it did not know enough to give away any information.) This was a very important potion for my mother who had just turned 20.

Later that year, my father was in a gunfight somewhere in the mountains of El Salvador. He was shot inches away from his heart. He spend 3 long days in hiding barely hanging on to life. If one of his brothers had not given him blood he would have surely died.

He was taken to Nicaragua for surgery. He managed to survive the operation but needed a second one to remove the bullet. This required him to go to Cuba. After four months in Cuba he had not gotten the operation and returned to Nicaragua to see my mother. At this point, my brother and sister had been sent to live in Costa Rica with my Grandmother. It was around this time that I was born. My mother and I lived in El Salvador for three month before it became unsafe to live there anymore.

My mother was supposed to meet up with my father in Costa Rica, but it never happened. She was reassigned on a new mission. She and two other men kidnapped a businessman in Honduras. We lived in a safe house for a few months, but the Honduran government found out where she was living. They stormed the house and killed my mother and the two men. This was three days before my first birthday. The police found me in a back room with two other little girls.

They did not know what to do with us so we were put in an orphanage. I stayed there for a whole year before I was adopted. They put sever notices in the paper saying that if any was missing children or knew the who we were they should come forward and claim us. No one came forward and after a year in the orphanage I was adopted.

Around this time my birth father had found out that his wife had been killed and his son was missing. He was furious at certain people within the FPL because they would not let him look for me or give him any information. Disillusioned he left the revolution and warned around Central America. He ended up in Panama where he worked 2 jobs only to earn $20 in a month. One of these jobs was doing silk screening. Think that he could do that on his own he set off to make a better life. He remarried and was able to create a stable business for him and his family.

Through a friend he learned that I had been adopted to a family in America. He began thinking about coming to America to look for me. However he had no idea where I lived so it would be impossible to find me.

In 1992 my grandmother began her search to find me. It took her a year to find an organization that would help her. An organization called Probusqueda spent four more years going though newspapers and whatever government documents they could get their hands on trying to find me. They finally completed their research in 1997 after doing an Internet search to find our phone number. We where contacted by a man working for the Physicians for Human Rights and given a copy of all their findings. After a blood test confirmed that they were my family we made arrangements to meet them during Christmas.

Update: I did some major editing to this entry so it would work better with the adoption story.

Read the whole story in our e-book

Happy Birthday Mom - By Nelson/Roberto

Today is my adopted mother's birthday so I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to her and to thank her for everything she has done for me over the years. I always think of you and dad when I hear this song. Click on the title to listen to it.

"Motherfather"

[Chorus]
Mother-Father before I forget
Thank you for all that you have been to me
And just in case you are wondering I love you

[Verse 1]
I know that our difference caused
Us to waste so much of our time we could have used
Getting to know each and one another
But now that I've grown into my own
And learned some things about life
I now can see that it wasn't easy to raise someone like me

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
I remember those days when you used to sit me down
And try to school me about the plenty opportunities in life
Hoping and wishing and praying that something would stick
And somehow click within this mind of mine
See you used to say, if you throw enough on the wall
Something is bound to rub off
And I'm here to tell you
That you don't have to really worry about me at all

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Listen now
There was no limit to all the things that you've done
And would have for me my sisters and brothers
And I'll never understand how you would talk all day long
And just as you said, in one ear and out the other
Isn't it funny how things change when you get older?
Now I know that I'll never find another
Love like yours inside anyone else

A love like no other - by Eva

Since this is a blog about my mother, as a mother I cannot escape to talk about the love a mother has for her children.

Let me tell you, that is not easy at all even though being a mother is the most incredible experience I've ever had... At the beginning it was a shock for me. I thought to my self: Oh my Goodness! I have a person inside of me! Tiny and invisible but in the end a person! A new life, a human being!" Then I thought about all the responsibility it means... but then a feeling that I cannot explain came to me and I started to feel so lucky. What a wonderful gift it is being able to give life! I waited for my child and enjoyed the experience. Every day I saw my belly getting bigger in front of the mirror and as months passed by I finally enjoyed not being able to sit as a normal person any more. I use to refer to the baby as a him, but the day I realized it was a HER my heart started to pump and a joy I can't explain filled me... It was a baby girl! After a few months she started to hit, it is incredible to realize a human being is inside of you and full of life. I used to feel her little feet and knees while she was moving, we both were one.

I spent 24 hours of labor and finally on Tuesday July 21, 1998, Daniela Sofia Sancho Coto was born. So tiny and delicate, she opened her eyes and didn't cry. I think she was more interested in knowing what was going on instead of crying. This day the journey started.

My daughter is now almost nine and she is the most important person in my life. Please don't misunderstand, there are a lot of people so important for me but your own child is the most important person on the planet. Once you have children they become your world. Even if you got home so tired and all that you want is to sleep, you still have to be strong enough to listen every detail she is saying, and listen to her talking for an hour with no interruptions... You still have to be able to think about the homework she brings from school, make her dinner and then exercise with her for one hour more. This when you don't have a motivation to scold her if she has done something wrong...Finally the angel goes to sleep, and when you see her sleeping you know the day has been accomplished, but then you breath deeply and think, the mission hasn't finished yet...

I have to say that I've never understood much about the purpose of being a mother. As we are developing as mother or parents, we are discovering to ourselves as well and it makes our task even more difficult. We have to handcraft this person and decide what is right and wrong for our children while at the same time for ourselves. This brings me to the purpose of this blog and to talk about my mother. If you think about what I just said it is inevitable to think about what our mother did for us. Maybe she regretted not being able to see us grow up everyday, maybe she didn't enjoy looking at us sleeping, maybe she missed a lot of birthdays, but I have not doubt she loved us with this unconditional love. I can assure you she sacrificed herself for us, and now as a mother I totally understand her decisions. As young people, we use to judge our parents and expect them to be perfect but the truth is that there are not perfect parents, just parents full of love and that was her love, a love like no other...

The men of my life and the baby girl of my heart - by Eva

There are three men that share my heart, and one beautiful baby girl that has a half.

One of the men is so quiet, nice and caring boy. I remember I loved him and took care of him like a treasure. I still keep in my mind the days we used to walk hanging hands, how small and nice he was. I saw him grow up, becoming an incredible boy. His heart is one of the biggest in the earth, and he's got a shine that never fades away. Even though his life was hard, he is now a wonderful man, and I gotta say I still love him as the first day I met him, and I am so proud of what he has accomplished though all these years. He's been so smart at business. He gives his best in every single project. He hasn't made to many friends, but everyone who knows him loves him as well.

The other men I never saw him grow up, but the day I met him it was a gift from God. Part of my life was returned to me and I feel now I am complete. After missing him for so long he came to me as a wonderful boy. It was incredible to get along as if we spent the whole life together. No one else understands me so well, no one else knows me as he does. He is so smart, so good. If you look into his eyes you can see how much love he has to give, and when he can, he does not hesitate. So friendly, so nice, he is quite a gentlemen. Everybody loves him since he is not selfish and wants to help any time he can. A Wonderful friend, he is loyal, and always cares about others. He's been always special because God give him a heart that never learned to hate.

The third man is the youngest. He was so small when I met him, so quite and shy, but he couldn't help it and now he is one of the three men that drives me crazy and owns my heart. He was the perfect company for Roberto for so many years. There are so close and always support to each other. God gave Roberto someone to share childhood, because God knew it is not good to grow up alone. He is crazy about turtles, and no one can tell why is this, but after meeting one of them in person now I understand his fascination about this wonderful animal. Nowadays he is a handsome boy, a lot more talkative now and his quote for me is: "Be adventurous!"

The baby girl that is left keeps the half of my heart. Maybe she does not know what I feel about her, but the day I saw her for the first time I was really happy. I met a cute baby and immediately she opened her arms to me. She couldn't walk and I remember her first step. She was my baby, I remember changing her pampers and giving her a bath. I remember her mom dressing her like a princess, and a princess she was. She was a really happy child, always hugging and expressing her feelings, her heart is huge and she has a lot of love to share. She is a young lady and the nicest girl I've ever met. She is my love, my treasure. She means a lot to me. I wish I could give her more love and time but unfortunately it couldn't be. Even though I know she loves me and admires me, but what she doesn't know is that I admire her the most.

And in these few words there they are. Those are my siblings. Each of them are different, but are so a like at the same time. Not every day I can say that but by having them my life is complete. No matter the distance they truly own my heart...

The meaning of family - by Eva

It was late at night. It seemed that every Christmas flight was delayed on this day. It was the longest waiting I’ve ever had. We didn’t talk too much, we were just there waiting. Time passed and we just looked at each other trying to guess what was going on through each other's mind.

Suddenly a bunch of people come to the exit door and there he comes … Oh my God! That’s him, that’s Roberto! We don’t need any DNA test in our hands to know its him, he is an exact copy of my father standing there! We didn’t know what to do but go over him and hug him. All of us wanted to hug him and touch him, maybe to see if it was truly happening… I remember my grandma’s face, she wanted to cry but she was trying so hard not to.

After all the hugs and kisses, I looked back and they were there. It was his family. It is his father, his mother and little brother. There were like the definition of family. They were there right behind him supporting him but so stumped. I don’t know what would they were thinking at that moment. I can’t imagine the overwhelming feeling they could have been experiencing then but they were so brave. They just were standing there and letting him to reunite with his family and I mean, they are his family… I believe they may be thinking: “we are going to lose him!”

What a difficult decision to make: keep him with them by not saying a word about his family, or let him to get together with his family with the risk to lose him. Myself I don’t know what I would do being in their place.

Today I wonder: How is that you can become family to people you’ve never met? How is that you can also love these people since the very beginning? How is that you get to know them just to look into their eyes? Would it be because all of this was meant to be? What a perfect plan since everything fits since the beginning even if it didn't look like. God knew how to make it work. He knew the perfect family for him so he would never be alone. God gave him three amazing people that really loved him, cared about him and raised him as the wonderful guy he is. We love them just knowing they took care of him as their own, but then we got to know how wonderful people they are!

I've met them 9 years ago, and I heard Tom says once: "... we met 9 years ago, and it seems like we have met you for the whole life..." and now I think those words are so true... Those words meant a lot to me, because he was kind of saying what he feels about us. Margaret said at the Church back in New Hampshire she was glad to have their daughter (me) and her daughter (Dani) at home for Christmas. Derek also said something like: She is our sister, she is visiting! Today I am glad I had them as well. I've never felt so supported and never felt someone who is not my own blood takes care of me so much like they all do. They give me support, they give me confidence, they give me advise and they give me love. All of this on top of the material things. Love is what I truly appreciate and keep in my heart.

I guess I'll always keep saying to them THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU... They must be tired of hearing it but there are no other words to express what I feel about them and about the love they have to my brother who needed them so much, and for us that just appeared one day looking for our boy. Today I gotta say how beautiful people you are!

I've never imagined the possibility to "post" ones feelings anywhere, and now that is what I am doing. This post is so personal and it shows my perception and the meaning of the word FAMILY to me, "not always the family that is our blood but the family that can BECOME your blood"

My Perfect World - by Nelson/Roberto

A poem by me May 3rd, 1998

My perfect world
I would live with both families
There would be sunny weather everyday
It would be warm
We would live in a place like Costa Rica
There would be no violence
No unnatural death
No bad temptations
It would be the best life ever!
However without this imperfect world
I wouldn't be writing this poem about
My perfect world

Holocaust Museum - by Nelson/Roberto

Today I went to the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC. If you have not gone to a museum about the Holocaust then it is something I would recommend doing. It's a very emotional experience. A lot of people have learned about it school and know about the death camps and other horrible things that took place. However you don't really understand what all that meant until you see some of the images in person. Even then I could not even imagine being there in person and what those people must have gone through.

This was not my first time going to this museum. I had been once before on a school trip in 8th grade. I feel like it meant a lot more. When I went last time it was a really different experience. I was having a bad day so I kind of walked trough it with out taking it in. I also think this time I had more of a connection to it because of what happened to my family. In 8th grade I had not met my family yet and I did not know anything about the war in El Salvador.

While what happened in Germany does not compare to the things that happened in my country I think there are still parallels. For example we had secret police and paramilitary squads death. Some of them would punish supporters of the revolution by steeling their children. Thankfully what happened in my country was not as horribly brutal as what happened during the Holocaust.

I think the most moving part was the hearing the survivors talking about there experiences. They told stories about walking days on end while taking turns sleeping. People being left for dead on the side of the road because they could not carry on. One women had to step on the bodies of the dead to escape a death camp. As they spoke you could see the determination they had to a live and to make it. I truly admire them for that. You could see the pain on there faces as they recalled everything they had been through. I've seen that look on my own father's face as he recalled his experiences in war.

One main cried as he described how he had to leave a 10 year old boy with a farmer. The little boy was to weak to walk with him and the farmer would take of him. The boy didn't want to leave him and asked why the Nazis were doing this to him. All the man could say is because you are circumcised and Jewish. You could see the choke back the tears as the emotions came flooding in.

That is something I have experienced before. When the pain of memory comes rushing back and it takes everything you have to fight it. Some of my own experiences have been painful enough so I can't even imagine what he went through.

I think how horrible this was all was and how horrible war is. I think many people don't realized the way it tears families a part. No matter what side you are on. I'm just lucky that even after everything that happened to us we were able to find each other again and rebuild.

I have to say I am proud of my parents for fighting. They sacrificed so much and they stood up for what they believed in. One of the reasons the Holocaust happened was people did not stand up to the government. They saw an injustice and did not stand by let it happen. People like them and others who stand up for what they believe in make this world a better place.

I also know that its easy now look back now and say that they did the right thing by standing up to the government but I'm sure at the time it was not so easy to pick right from wrong. So like my sister said I don't think my parents would have done this unless they believed it was the right thing to do.

One of the survivors said something that stuck out in my mind. She said the dead are not here to tell their story and that even the survivors will not be here one day. I that one reason I am writing this. My mother is not here to tell us her story. So by telling mine she won't be forgotten.

You gave me life - by Eva

To you:

Things haven't been perfect, I know. Sometimes I wish I could get to know you more. Even though you've been so far away from me for my whole life you've never left my heart.

I am sorry if I've hurt you, I am aware I am just human. I am sorry I am not the perfect person for you. You've gave me life, what a wonderful present that is. You've gave me strength, you showed me how to fight and not to give up, not to be afraid, you showed me how to be a person who cares.

You're a wonderful person, you mean a lot to me. You don't know how much I've loved you cause I haven't been able to show you the place in my life you've owned for all of these years. But today I gotta tell you I LOVE YOU those simple words I say even we have been apart from each other the blood call is something you cannot get away.

I wish I could tell you all what I feel, I wish I could open up my heart for you. Life has placed us where we are but love will never fade away. Like the song goes we've been far away and for so long and we couldn't help it. We've grown old and been through so much but I will always be your baby girl I know.

That is me, I am just your daughter even if I don't look like you at all. I have your blood in my veins and there is something you should know. I will never forget about you cause I love you so much Dad.

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A friend of mine just pointed out that the comment feature was turned off. Sorry that was a mistake. We would love to hear what you think. :)

The fight for a cause ( Ernesto´s Introduction)

Have u ever fought for a cause? No matter what it be? Maybe to help people maybe or to save animals or something else. Well those peoples who fight for a cause are the secret heroes of the world. These kinds of people are kind a strong. They like to help and want to change the way that the world works for others.

No matter if they will make a difference or not they try and they try. Against all odds no matter what they might risk or lose they keep fallowing those strong feelings. So this is something I wont to forget about my mom Ana Milagro Escobar. She had strong feelings that moved her to pick up arms and fight for others, fight for her cause, fight to try to change her word, and fight to give us a better life. That is one thing that made her such a strong women and that I would never forget about.

I too would like to help others as she did and helping others was indeed her cause. Even though they didn’t change the world, they got a chance to make things better for us, a chance to try and make a better world, and a chance to give us the opportunity they never had. That means a lot to us.

So the cause of this blog to remember that strong woman who change the things for us, who made this miracle become true. I could never forget about all the love she gave us. No matter the situation she stayed true. I'm so proud of this woman, who was my mom.

I love you mom.

A song for you Mom - by Eva

Every time I listen to this song I think about you Mom, I feel those words are pretty much of what I have inside of me. I really miss you Mom and you haven't gone anywhere since you are still here in my heart. I love you.

Fade away, fade away, fade away...
You left me with goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep I don't deserve
Well, you were always invincible in my eyes
The only thing against us now is time
Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you?
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true?
If I only had one more day... fade away
I lie down and blind myself with laughter
Well, a quick fix of hope is what I'm needing
And how I wish that I could turn back the hours
But I know I just don't have the power
Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you?
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true?
If I only had one more day.....
Well,I'd jump at the chance, We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word
As if it's your last, well I know it's your last
Cause today, oh, you're gone
Could it be any harder, fade away
Could it be any harder, fade away
Yeah Could it be any harder to live my life without you?
Could it be any harder?
I'm all alone, I'm all alone
Like sand on my feet, the smell of sweet perfume
You stick to me forever, baby I wish you didn't go, I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go away to touch you again, with life in your hands
It couldn't be any harder.. harder..

My Birthdays - Nelson/Roberto

Yesterday was a friend of mines birthday. We went out to eat for 3 hours and had lots of fun. I love getting together like this for birthdays and my birthday. However this wasn't always the case. Growing up I never knew my real birthday and it always bugged me that everyone else knew there's. Some people even knew the exact time of birth. I had no idea. I used to look at calendar and feel like it was blank.

I did have a birthday that my adoptive parents gave me when I was adopted. Growing up this is what we celebrated but it always felt so ...hollow and fake. Even thought we had cake and everything it never felt like it was mine. Don't get me wrong I still enjoyed my birthdays and of course loved the presents...who doesn't?

Looking back on it now I think those feeling of emptiness were really part of something bigger. Your birthday while not being terribly important to the in larger scheme of life is an important part of your identity. Its something so simple that people take for gran it. Whenever someone asked how old I was I would say something like "I'm 15...I think" It was that little bit of uncertainty that bothered me so much. I could be 15 or 14 or 16. I never knew.

Now that I know when my birthday is, I developed a sense of pride when I tell people. After 16 years of uncertainty it feels so good to be able to look someone in the eye and say I was born on may 22, 1981 at 2pm in San Salvador. I think that why I make such a big deal of it now and the fact that I have two birthdays. I'll joke with friends and say "today is my second birthday what did you get me?" Of course they always come back with "you only get one" Hey it doesn't hurt to try.

A Little bit of Mama Chila - by Mireya

Mamá Chila is my grandmother, as my cousin Eva said she’s really a loving and caring, Mother and Grandmother. So delicate and small, with wrinkles from all the hard blows she had received in her life. But every time she has known how to rise above it, how to get trough it. She’s a leader, she always has been the center of the family and the motor who move it. So it was hard for me as a granddaughter to see such a powerful women, fall into the deepest of sadness. This happened when her great-grandchild was killed. I’m talking about Renecito, a beautiful, smart and healthy kid, who's tragic death brought the family together. At the funeral, I saw a different Mamá Chila. She was in a deep thought.

Probably remembering the death of her son René, whom as fate would have it died in similar circumstances. That day I thought that she would become ill and I feared that she could not live with that suffering. The days following, while Renecito's mother Eugenia, was recovering Mamá Chila was so sad. Deep in thought as if she was looking for an reason it happened. As if she was wanting to find the meaning of it all. Trying to turn back time and erase all the pain. Once Eugenia, was back from the hospital, resting and recovering, Mamá Chila began recovering too. Her vitality, energy and happiness returned. I never really lived with my grandmother before.

The last time was when we traveled to Costa Rica all those years ago to meet my cousin Roberto. This time I got to spend more time with her, so I could get to know her a little more. Once again I saw a strong, tenacious woman, who wakes up at 6 in the morning even on Sundays, and she fall sleep at 7 at night. As I said in the beginning, she is the foundation of our family. We all have a little piece of her inside us. I can´t imagine my life with anyone other than Mamá Chila.

Leaving Tomorrow - by Nelson/Roberto

June 06

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

Its about 10 or 11 at night and I'm laying in bed listening to Fort Minor's "Where'd You Go?" Estefany is laying next to me sharing the earphones. She is crying softly. I hate to see my sister cry. She is almost 15 and she still cries every time I leave. I wish I could stay. I wish I could spend more time with her and with everyone else. This time it even harder to say goodbye because I know I won't be back for maybe a year.

Sometimes I feel like I am always saying goodbye, that I am always missing someone. I wondering why does it have to be like this? Why must I always be leaving tomorrow? I don't want to. Maybe its because we missed so much already and I don't want to miss anymore. Maybe its because life seams so much simpler here. Part of me just wants to stay but the other parts knows this is not my place. How are you supposed to choose between the ones you love? I know its hard on them as well.

Its the next morning and we are standing at the bus station. I've loaded my bag onto the bus. I'm almost already to head back to Costa Rica and soon after back to he US. My father sister and stepmother are here to see me off. I said goodbye to my brother this morning before he started working. My father holds me tight not wanting to let go, not wanting the moment to end. I know the feeling well.

As the bus pulls away I look back, watching them for as long as I can. As much as I hate sitting, here I know I'll be back. Nothing is going to keep me away.